Officiating My First Wedding as a Couples Therapist and singer.
When I became a couples therapist, I never imagined I’d one day stand before a crowd—not as a therapist, but as a wedding officiant. Yet, when my friend and her then-boyfriend asked me to marry them, I felt deeply honored—and surprisingly nervous. Oh, and they didn’t just ask me to officiate; they also asked me to sing as the bride walked down the aisle, and again as they both exited the ceremony as a newly married couple.
My dear friends, Mariana and Thomas Bazar, were married on the beautiful evening of May 3rd, 2025, in Morelia, Michoacán. I accepted without hesitation. My eyes welled up with happy tears as I was asked to play such an important role on one of the most meaningful days of their lives. I want to share my journey as a wedding officiant—from the heart of a couples therapist.
Wedding Venue: Quinta María José in Uruapilla, Michoacán
“Trust is built by having evidence that your partner will be there for you. According to the Gottman Method, commitment is an action—it’s about being there for your partner and choosing them every day. Trust grows when partners act in ways that benefit each other, not just themselves.”
In my seven years as a couples therapist, I’ve poured my heart and soul into helping lovebirds find their way back to each other. It was humbling to help two dear friends unite their lives during such a challenging time in the world. When I was first asked to officiate a wedding, I had no idea how to do it. So, I dove into researching how to craft a ceremony script that could honor the couple’s story, reflect my personal and professional style, and make the moment unforgettable for everyone present. It helped that these were my friends—people I loved, especially the bride, Mariana, whom I’ve known for years.
How I Prepared: A Therapist-Turned-Officiant’s Experience
Understanding Their Love Story—On a Deeper Level
As a therapist, I’m trained to listen deeply. But officiating required a different kind of listening—one focused not on healing, but on celebration. I sat down with the couple via video call and asked questions to capture the essence of their relationship:
“Tell me about a moment you realized you were falling—or had fallen—in love.”
“What is something you deeply respect about your partner?”
“What first drew you to your partner?”
Their answers became the heart of the ceremony—an authentic narrative that celebrated their journey.
Mariana asked me to sing “Hermoso Cariño” as she walked down the aisle and “Si Nos Dejan” as they walked out together. I took time to analyze the lyrics and align the emotional tone of the songs with their story so my performance would feel intimate and heartfelt for everyone—especially the couple.
Balancing Professionalism with Personal Connection
I knew I had to step out of my therapist role while still bringing the best of what I’ve learned from it. That meant:
Using warm, inclusive language that resonated with guests. I even used a bit of humor—which thankfully was well received!
Weaving in themes like emotional safety, mutual respect, and intentional love—without sounding too clinical.
As a singer, I had to manage my nerves with professionalism, even though I only had one chance to rehearse with the mariachi before the ceremony. That made me anxious and a bit insecure. I wanted the performance to be high-quality—it would be recorded and cherished forever. I reminded myself to focus on the couple, to ground myself, and to use my coping tools.
This wasn’t my performance—it was their moment.
Crafting the Ceremony Script
I reflected on the weddings I had witnessed—what had moved me, what had felt like filler. I watched videos of professional officiants but stayed focused on making this ceremony feel personal, not generic. I wrote:
A heartfelt, inclusive welcome
A personalized love story segment that honored their growth
A vow segment that incorporated one of my favorite Gottman Method tools: the six-second kiss
Yes, I made sure to include that moment. I still get piel de gallina (goosebumps) remembering the guests counting to six as the newlyweds shared their first kiss as husband and wife.
Bringing in Rituals That Reflect Values
We included a simple handfasting ritual to symbolize their unity—a nod to their love of nature and their belief in interconnectedness. It wasn’t just visually beautiful—it was intentional and deeply meaningful, aligning with the values I explore in therapy with the couples I serve.
Right after the ceremony.
Managing My Own Nerves
Even as someone used to speaking in group therapy settings and singing in front of large audiences, I had butterflies. To ground myself, I:
Practiced the script multiple times
Visited the venue online to visualize the setting (though in person, it was still completely different!)
Repeated positive affirmations and used calming breathing techniques
Most importantly, I reminded myself: This is not a show. This is an act of love and service.
Reflections and Takeaways
Afterward, I felt deeply fulfilled—and, of course, relieved that I didn’t “mess it up.” Yes, even therapists have intrusive thoughts! Witnessing their vows reminded me why I do this work: not just to help couples repair, but to celebrate the beauty of choosing each other again and again.
One tip: Because I had to speak so much during the ceremony and sing before and after, my throat was very dry by the end. I noticed it affected my singing, especially in the final song. If you ever take on both roles, make sure to drink water between each segment!
Officiating a wedding as both a couples therapist and a singer allowed me to bring my whole self—both personally and professionally—into a sacred space. If you’re ever asked to do the same, know this: your understanding of love, growth, and partnership can help create a ceremony that is not only memorable, but meaningful in a way that truly lasts.
